Are you progressive or merely liberal?
Before the 2020 Democratic primaries wreak havoc on our social feeds, I want to know, right now, who my real friends are. I can’t handle…
Before the 2020 Democratic primaries wreak havoc on our social feeds, I want to know, right now, who my real friends are. I can’t handle another 2016, when serious and long-lasting amigos surprised me by not agreeing with my deeply held knee jerk reactions, and mere nobodies on Facebook became cherished comrades on Facebook.
For example, I still feel unsafe when I think about my trusted childhood friend, a successful, sophisticated guy who voted for Hillary Clinton in the primaries and in the general. While I, as an inherently moral yet involuntarily white privileged cis hetero male, supported Bernie Sanders then Clinton. (Let’s not mention the Electoral College selection who lost the popular vote. Again! Oy, what is this, Russia? Don’t answer.)
The rift between my friend and me unleashed a grueling, years-long dogfight of sarcastic texts. Like in the the midterm 2018 primaries, when I was posting about how ethics were finally remaking the Democratic party, he texted, “so what exactly is the diff bw liberal and progressive Dems?”
Don’t let his I’m-just-curious-please-explain tone fool you. My friend went to a super expensive elite private liberal arts college that has burdened young Americans for generations with debt when it’s not busy stigmatizing all of those who didn’t get in despite wanting to badly and instead had to study at a just OK state university. Thank God for that I’ll add, it’s promised me a lifetime defined by adjectives like unfussy, down-to-earth, can-only-afford-happy-hour.
When my friend asked the “diff” between, let’s-face-it, basically mainstream Republicans fighting for both income inequality and climate change; or grassroots people crafting a totally fair world, he gave me an opening. I could use more antagonistic subtext to school him. But how?
After discussing it in my men’s therapy group, we came to consensus that I’ll give him a quiz. It’s a teaching moment to learn the right way to vote in 2020.
Are you a progressive or merely liberal Democrat?
Which star athlete would you rather be?
Colin Kaepernick
That guy married to Gisele, who by the way totally out-earns her husband and has never been photographed with Trump
I have a suite at the US Open
Which Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez posts do you “like”?
I did enjoy that thing with the dancing
Each one on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat and LinkedIn
I only use social media to post vacation photos from France
Speaking of which, do you smirk when buying booze that’s Appellation d’Origine Contrôlée?
No idea, I took Spanish in high school
Hahaha I see what you’re doing here but no since I can only afford beer
I’m pretty sure Grand Crus make this moot
Would you rather be adopted by: Larry David or Bernie Sanders?
Neither, I vote exactly like my family and we have wonderful, nurturing conversations at Michelin-starred restaurants each Thanksgiving
Both, I supported marriage equality for just this possibility
Can you tell me what the letters LGBTQIA+ POC mean?
Of course but this question is reductive, offensive, othering and objectifies minorities, congratulations on your literary microaggression
Hold on a sec… yes I can! Thank you Google/Alexa/Siri. (I didn’t even need to use my super expensive elite private liberal arts degree to figure this out, but it’s important to insert my early life achievement into the most mundane conversations. Remind me to mention graduate school next.)
If you have white privilege do you…
Pledge allegiance to Ta-Nehisi Coates
March in extremely slow moving rallies every six months
Plan vacations in France
If your mom doesn’t watch MSNBC for two days, she…
Redirects her anxiety by asking about your old friends who are now buying lavish condos while you’re living with roommates/in a studio/in New Jersey/all
Cover, by pretending she knows how to listen to Pod Save America
Blame the Provence house for not having cable?
Medicare for All would be totally workable if…
We taxed billionaires into oblivion and turned their penthouses into homes for rescue dogs
It was necessary, but I’ve had jobs with excellent benefits after graduating a super expensive elite private liberal arts college and then an even more expensive elite private graduate school, unlike other friends who were busy partying in high school and now blame me for their shortcomings
The difference between an Oligarch and a Plutocrat is…
Immaterial, they will both have their comeuppance now that I’ve clicked “I’m interested” in a Democratic Socialist event on Facebook
I work for a big bank/big law/big tech, next question please.
Is Nancy Pelosi:
A product of divine intervention
My spirit animal
Just getting started?
Did you answer the last question? Congratulations, you’re a Democrat. Now go hug your friends and lay off the social media until Nov 4th 2020.